I put the photograph down on the coffee table.<\/p>\n
\u201cWow.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEthan, I wasn\u2019t trying to trick you into a relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou literally recognized me from childhood and didn\u2019t tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou went to coffee already knowing who I was.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I knew nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire shut her eyes for a second.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. I meant to tell you that day.\u201d<\/p>\n
I picked up the photograph again and tapped the newer handwriting.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou wrote this before you saw me again.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the date once more.<\/p>\n
\u201cWere you ever going to tell me? Where was this taken?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe old Pine Street library.\u201d<\/p>\n
I frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cDidn\u2019t they gut that place years ago?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe original children\u2019s room is still there,\u201d she said. \u201cThey rebuilt around it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then small pieces started coming back to me.<\/p>\n
Low bookshelves.<\/p>\n
Beanbags.<\/p>\n
A paper sun hanging crooked from a ceiling tile.<\/p>\n
I could almost smell the dusty carpet.<\/p>\n
Then another detail surfaced.<\/p>\n
Yellow.<\/p>\n
I stared harder at the photograph.<\/p>\n
\u201cHer glasses were yellow.\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire blinked.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNora\u2019s glasses. They were yellow.\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire looked down at the picture.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey were purple.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said. \u201cThey were yellow.\u201d<\/p>\n
She stared at me for a moment.<\/p>\n
Then she laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe painted them.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWith yellow nail polish. My mother almost lost her mind.\u201d<\/p>\n
The memory arrived so suddenly that I had to sit down.<\/p>\n
A girl sitting cross-legged in thick yellow glasses, holding a paperback much too close to her face.<\/p>\n
I still couldn\u2019t remember what book she was reading.<\/p>\n
But I remembered being annoyed with her.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou want to go there?\u201d Claire asked.<\/p>\n
I looked up at her.<\/p>\n
She immediately realized what she\u2019d done.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry. Wrong question.\u201d<\/p>\n
A moment passed.<\/p>\n
Then she tried again.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you want to know where the picture came from, I\u2019ll tell you here. Or I can show you. Or I can leave.\u201d<\/p>\n
It was the first thing she\u2019d said all evening that didn\u2019t sound as though she\u2019d already decided what was best for me.<\/p>\n
I grabbed my jacket.<\/p>\n
\u201cTake me to the library.\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire changed out of the green dress without saying another word.<\/p>\n
Twenty minutes later, we were standing beneath the fluorescent lights inside the Pine Street branch.<\/p>\n
The adult section looked completely unfamiliar to me.<\/p>\n
The children\u2019s room didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
It was smaller than I remembered.<\/p>\n
Far smaller.<\/p>\n
I moved slowly past the shelves until I reached the back corner.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere used to be a blue rug.\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire pointed. \u201cRight there.\u201d<\/p>\n
Now the rug was gray.<\/p>\n
I lowered myself into one of the small chairs at a little table.<\/p>\n
My knees barely fit underneath.<\/p>\n
Claire remained near the doorway.<\/p>\n
I looked around the room.<\/p>\n
Then I noticed a display filled with adventure books.<\/p>\n
Another piece of memory returned.<\/p>\n
Nora slamming a book shut.<\/p>\n
Me accusing her of skipping three pages.<\/p>\n
Her telling me I was just slow.<\/p>\n
I laughed before I meant to.<\/p>\n
Claire didn\u2019t ask what was funny.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe cheated,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, constantly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe skipped ahead.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlso constantly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI hated that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe knew.\u201d<\/p>\n
I glanced over at Claire.<\/p>\n
She smiled, but the smile wasn\u2019t really for me.<\/p>\n
It belonged to someone who wasn\u2019t there anymore.<\/p>\n
I hated how much that hurt.<\/p>\n
\u201cWas she sick?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
Claire looked briefly toward the doorway before answering.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
There it was.<\/p>\n
The truth she\u2019d apparently been carrying toward me for the past six months.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow sick?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe had a chronic condition from childhood. That summer was one of the better stretches.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo she came here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEvery week she could.\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire came closer but stopped on the opposite side of the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe hated people asking about her health before they asked her name.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the empty chair beside me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat was why she liked you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I gave Claire a sharp look.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t turn me into some saintly eight-year-old.\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire almost smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou weren\u2019t. You made her cry once because you said she cheated at Uno.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid she?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAbsolutely.\u201d<\/p>\n
Despite everything, I laughed.<\/p>\n
It lasted maybe two seconds.<\/p>\n
Then the question I\u2019d been avoiding came back.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened to her?\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire pulled out the chair across from me.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I sit?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
She sat down.<\/p>\n
\u201cNear the end of that summer, our mom took Nora out of town for specialized treatment. Everybody thought she\u2019d be gone a few weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n
My fingers found a scratch carved into the surface of the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe got worse.\u201d<\/p>\n
My thumb stopped moving over the scratch.<\/p>\n
Claire continued quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe died that winter.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared toward the shelves.<\/p>\n
Somewhere behind us, a child laughed.<\/p>\n
Neither of us spoke for a while.<\/p>\n
Then I asked, \u201cNobody told me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you knew I existed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou knew who I was when you saw me on Tinder.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo why then?\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire looked down at her hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I thought I\u2019d finally been given a chance to tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t know your last name for years,\u201d she continued. \u201cI knew Ethan. I knew your mom used to pick you up in a red car. I knew you moved not long after Nora got sick. By the time I thought seriously about finding you, I had almost nothing useful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut eventually you did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSeventeen years later, your face showed up on my phone.\u201d<\/p>\n
I rubbed both palms against my jeans.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you swiped right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo tell me Nora died. That was the whole plan?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOne coffee. Tell you who I was. Tell you what happened. Thank you for being her friend.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd then?\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire gave a tired little laugh.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen you ordered another coffee. You stayed until they started stacking chairs around us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat doesn\u2019t answer why you lied, Claire.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Good.<\/p>\n
At least she wasn\u2019t trying to pretend that it did.<\/p>\n
I leaned back in the chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf Nora had never existed, would you have swiped right on me?\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire watched me silently for several seconds.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n
That hurt more than a nicer answer would have.<\/p>\n
She continued before I could respond.<\/p>\n
\u201cI probably wouldn\u2019t have stopped on your profile long enough to find out.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned my face away.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut Nora got me to that coffee shop,\u201d she admitted. \u201cShe didn\u2019t make me order another coffee. Or stay until they stacked the chairs around us.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stood up.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened after that doesn\u2019t erase what happened before it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere you go again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
I picked up the photograph.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou kept deciding what I was allowed to know.\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire didn\u2019t try to defend herself.<\/p>\n
After a moment, she said, \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAt first, because I didn\u2019t want you to think I was using Nora to get close to you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were using Nora to get close to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo meet you. Yes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd later?\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire stared down at the gray carpet.<\/p>\n
\u201cLater I was scared you\u2019d leave.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was the first answer she\u2019d given me all night that didn\u2019t seem wrapped in something noble.<\/p>\n
I folded the photograph once, instantly regretted it, and opened it again.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need some time by myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire stood.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you want me to leave?\u201d<\/p>\n
I considered it.<\/p>\n
Then I shook my head.<\/p>\n
\u201cStay here.\u201d<\/p>\n
She nodded.<\/p>\n
I walked outside alone.<\/p>\n
And for once, Claire didn\u2019t follow me.<\/p>\n
But halfway across the library courtyard, another memory surfaced.<\/p>\n
Nora snapping a book shut.<\/p>\n
Me furious.<\/p>\n
My own childish voice saying:<\/p>\n
\u201cFine. Finish it yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stopped walking.<\/p>\n
Because suddenly I needed to know whether those had been the final words I\u2019d ever said to her.<\/p>\n
I texted Claire.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan you come outside?\u201d<\/p>\n
She appeared about a minute later but stopped several feet away from me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI remembered something.\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire waited.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told Nora to finish the book herself.\u201d I rubbed the edge of the photograph with my thumb. \u201cWas that the last time I saw her?\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire slowly shook her head.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know exactly what your last conversation was.\u201d<\/p>\n
Strangely, that answer helped more than false certainty would have.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut she talked about you afterward,\u201d Claire added.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did she say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMostly that you were annoying.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
Then Claire smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe also said you always waited when she fell behind reading.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked down at the photograph.<\/p>\n
For years, Nora had existed somewhere inside my mind as a missing piece I\u2019d stopped noticing was missing.<\/p>\n
Now she was slowly becoming a person again.<\/p>\n
Yellow glasses.<\/p>\n
Cheating at games.<\/p>\n
Skipping pages.<\/p>\n
Getting angry with me.<\/p>\n
I looked back at Claire.<\/p>\n
\u201cI believe you love me. But I don\u2019t know what I trust yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
She stayed where she was.<\/p>\n
\u201cI understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, you don\u2019t. Neither do I.\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you want me to do?\u201d<\/p>\n
The question surprised me.<\/p>\n
\u201cTonight? Tell me about Nora.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd after?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to go home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
We spent another hour talking.<\/p>\n
There was nothing dramatic about it.<\/p>\n
Nora hated raisins. She wanted a motorcycle when she turned 16. She believed rules in board games were \u201csuggestions.\u201d<\/p>\n
When we eventually returned to Claire\u2019s apartment, the green dress had been folded neatly over a chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you want me to return it?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI bought it because you wanted it,\u201d I said. \u201cThat part didn\u2019t change.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then I went home.<\/p>\n
Four days later, I went back to the library by myself and checked out the book Nora and I had once argued about.<\/p>\n
The ending was terrible.<\/p>\n
I texted Claire.<\/p>\n
\u201cNora was right. The ending is awful.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her reply arrived almost immediately.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe was unbearable when she was right.\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m still at the library if you want to come argue about it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Claire arrived 20 minutes later.<\/p>\n
We sat together at the same small children\u2019s table.<\/p>\n
As I read, her hand automatically moved toward the page.<\/p>\n
I put one finger down.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey. I\u2019m not done.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her hand stopped.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
She pulled it back.<\/p>\n
And waited.<\/p>\n
I finished the paragraph.<\/p>\n
Then I turned the page myself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I put the photograph down on the coffee table. \u201cWow.\u201d \u201cEthan, I wasn\u2019t trying to trick you into a relationship.\u201d \u201cYou literally recognized me from childhood and didn\u2019t tell me.\u201d \u201cI know.\u201d \u201cYou went...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8249","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n